Ebbed

The flood has ebbed again. I’m trying not to get disheartened that it’s not coming as quickly as it had been a little while ago; it’s like anything else, I guess - it ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows. I just now have to ensure that I stick with it, working even when it’s hard, even when I don’t feel like it. It’s important that I don’t stop thinking of the story, trying and discarding new ideas and thoughts even when my fingers aren’t physically on the keyboard. I think that’s the only way that I can complete this; I have to immerse myself into this world to make any sense of it and for me, that often means late nights, insomnia, scribbled notes on the backs of envelopes and receipts.

The one positive step I’ve taken - the big, big, enormous, scary massive step - is to locate a couple of readers. It’s painful, sharing this: like masturbation in public. It’s opening myself to a level I’ve never shared before, and receiving criticism for it is just . . . ugh. But how else can I learn? I need people to help me with this. It’s all well and good me rattling out the fucking thing, but what’s the point if it’s senseless? I’m lucky that I have two people that I completely and utterly trust to tell me truth, whilst - hopefully - also not breaking my heart. And I can’t ask for more than anything else.

For the first time in a long, long time, I really think I’m going to finish this. It might not be good, it may not ever be published, but by fuck, it’s going to be complete.

Posted on 29th December, 2007 at 12:23 pm |

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